If you’re a regular visitor at The Hollywood Gossip, you know that Kylie Jenner’s Instagram thirst traps are a frequent topic of conversation here.
And hopefully you’re aware that we discuss Kylie’s bikini selfies and other racy content for the same reason that she posts it …
… for the good of the nation!
As you probably know, 2020 sucked out loud, and so far, 2021 isn’t shaping up to be all that much better.
You might be stuck at home, out of work, and unable even to drown your sorrows with a dozen or so Dollaritas at Applebee’s because of Covid restrictions.
There’s nothing to do except endlessly doomscroll and remind yourself of all the horrible things that are happening in the world.
Then, like an oasis in a desert of hot takes, Kylie appears on your timeline, and for a moment, all is well.
It’s like she’s saying to you, “Hey, I know everything is terrible right now, but you know what’s not a global pandemic, or a financial crisis, or a bunch of crazies storming the Capitol Building? My bangin’ curves.”
So you say, “I don’t know, Kylie. I have a lot on my mind. The president just got impeached for the second time, and I’m afraid if I order Taco Bell from Grub Hub again tonight, I’m gonna be the first person to ever die of an artery clogged by nacho cheese.”
So then she says, “What if I put on Spandex and post some selfies?” and you realize how lucky you are to be alive at the same time as Kylizzle.
Now, believe it or not, there are some folks who have complaints about Kylie’s latest content.
They say the addition or super-sharp fake nails to her already-long fingers is creating a sort of Freddy Krueger effect.
They say that Kylie’s curves are so pronounced these days that we should be suspicious of them, and then they begin to speculate about what sort of work she may have had done.
We say to these people, enough is enough!
Stop looking a gift horse in the mouth — or, in this case, stop asking what sort of injections the new-and-improved Thicker Kylie may have received.
Has Stormi’s mom enhanced her appearance with the help of a few surgical procedures?
Perhaps … okay, definitely.
But maybe she did so with the realization that Thicker Kylie is the only thing that can lead this country boldly into the frightening territory of a new decade.
(In this scenario, Kylie is one of those nerds who always points out that the new decade didn’t technically begin until 2021. Just go with it.)
Anyway, we’ve spent the past four years under the power of a heavily aibrushed, abnormally curvaceous leader.
Maybe Kylie decided to step in as the good version of that
Or maybe we should just enjoy the sight of her in Spandex and stop overthinking this sh-t.